Holy Week has always been a special season for me. And last Good Friday, I thank you oh soooo thank you Tatay God for the answers you're trying to give me. At least now I want to believe they are the answers that I need.

Even though I've already said yes. And even though I truly got excited about it na, nagkakaroon ako ng jitters about doing This Thing This Year. And then here comes a visual artist talking, sharing his reflections on what I thought would just be the traditional 7 Last Words sermon.

Joey Velasco was a Gawad-Kalinga volunteer. In one of those community painting projects that he participated in, he met Mang Joven, an old, quiet man who was among the beneficiaries of the houses they were painting/ building.

Dipping his brush in a bucket of pink latex paint and making his first stroke, Joey was interrupted as Mang Joven held his hand and told him:

"Sa bawat hagod niyo ng pintura, isang hininga ang nadudugtong para sa'men."

He was struck by what the old man had said to him. It hit a deep spot in his soul and right there and then, he realized his mission and aspirations as an artist.

As for me, his words brought me clear answers to address my dilemma. It gave me this all too familiar feeling. This was when I passed my chosen course; when I had the best photography class; when I was having my Talks with Sir Jamon; when I read the Alchemist; when I joined CAM; when I had worked with Raymond Red; when I chose Armi as my thesis partner; when I first saw Mark Nicdao at the EOL studio; when I was tagged along Xander's talk at the Loft; when I helped with Huling Araw. This is the feeling of recognizing a sign. The feeling having deep faith; of forgetting about the doubts. This is trying to remember my own reasons as an aspiring artist.

Did I say I just want to do things? Did I say I just want to inspire? Did I say I only want that other people may benefit from the things I create? Did I say I want to try to transform society (no matter how big and maybe crazy this dream may seem)?

Clearly, a chance is knocking at my door right now. Why would I want to say No? Why would I not want to try? Why would I not take the risks? How long have I been putting aside these aspirations - why would I want to put them aside any longer?

Because I don't have money? Because I don't have time?

But I do believe I have the talent. And I absolutely have faith. And maybe these are the more essential things.